Suicide Is Not The Option

You deserve to be happy and live a long life full of good moments.

Written by a Ventura County high school student.

Have I ever tried to kill myself? Yes, twice. Both times were unsuccessful.

Life was hard and I was done. I had many internal problems and demons that I wanted to get rid of. Slitting my lower stomach seemed like the best option for me, but it didn’t work. I guess I did not press hard enough with the razor. I wanted my life to be done. I cried myself to sleep, I couldn’t eat, and I couldn’t get out of bed. Life kept getting worse and worse. I had family troubles and I thought they would be better without me. 

No one knew about this attempt, not even my two different therapists. I couldn’t bear to tell them. They worked so hard to help me get better and not relapse with my self-harm. I felt guilty. I let my family down for succumbing to my pain, I let myself down because I was too chicken to go through with it. 

The second time was worse. I was hysterical and in so much pain. I was in the middle of an insane panic attack and just wanted to stop all my mental problems. So I mixed lots of Advil, Tylenol, and Motrin together. It did not work, I woke up the next morning. This time though, I was glad that it didn’t work. 

I wanted to live after the last time. So I made it my goal to live my life happy. I am currently a year and two months clean of self-harm. I still have suicidal thoughts, but I work hard to not listen to them. 

Suicide is not the option, even if it feels like it is. Pain will ebb and flow, but surrounding yourself with good people and good thoughts will make life worth it. I know this is a little guilt trippy, but imagine the pain your friends and family will experience with you gone. The pain will not go away right away, but talk with someone you trust. They will help you. No one wants you to die. You deserve to be happy and live a long life full of good moments.

Suicide is preventable. Whether you are considering ending your life, or know someone who feels suicidal, learn to recognize the warning signs and how to get immediate help. You may save a life – your own or someone else’s.

If you or someone you care about is in crisis, help is available 24/7:

• Suicide Prevention Lifeline – Call 1-800-273-8255 or text HEARME to 839863
• Crisis Text Line – Text HOME to 741741
• Ventura County Crisis & Referral – 1-866-998-2243
• Mental Health Warm Line (Non-emergency emotional support, 24/7) – Call 1-855-845-7415

For local resources for teens and adults, visit the Wellness Every Day: Preventing Suicide page. For more information about suicide warning signs, visit Know the Signs.